ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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