those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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