if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
