after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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