i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
