Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
