He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
