You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
