she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
