we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
