my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
