I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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