Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
