can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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