Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
