My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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