My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
