ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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