it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
