My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
