Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
