Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
