did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
