You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
