My cat gives me a boner
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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