you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
