then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
