she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
