Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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