Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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