Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
