that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
did i walk over a car last night?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
