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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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