i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
