It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
