the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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