There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
