I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
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