It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Randomize
