I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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