You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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