I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
