Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
