Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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