Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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