Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
