The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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