apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
