Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
