Joe is yelling at the trees again.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
