What did we do last night that was yellow?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
