Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
