just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Randomize
