Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
