THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
