i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
