OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Randomize
