the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
