At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
